I'm floating back up to where I need to be. I'm devastated right now, but I'll get to where I need to be wherever that is. Time is something I've always valued, time is money, time is memory, time is progression. To throw away time is to throw away something that is very valuable, it's to throw away everything that you've worked for. Your time is precious, if it's gone it will never come back. You say knowing what I know now I probably would've done things differently, well that time is gone so live and learn and don't let the time in front of you be wasted.
People criticize hip-hop as a non-artform but there are some applicable phrases and today's lyric is from another hip-hop song:
You're gonna be a shining star, with fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars
and then you'll see, you're gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
You steady Chasin that paper.
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Ain't got no time for no haters
Just live your life (Ay!), ay ay ay
No telling where it'll take ya.
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
I've made a few major decisions that may yield distraught or complete happiness, it is too early to tell. I don't know if I've played the game of life right up to this point but I know that with each lessoned learned I become a stronger person. It takes pain before progress and for that I am buoyant and floating back to a point in my life where I am back on top. Until then I'll have my sorrows and cherish my smiles, and I'll walk with my head held high because I'm a Soldier of Fortune.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Realization
Drake: "So get it while you here boy, cuz all the hype won't be the same next year boy."
This isn't where my realization spawns from but it is a definitive lyric of a lesson that I've learned in life. At times I find myself to be a lot harsh, and then I seek forgiveness and sanction for my actions. However, I think product of my environment is suiting here because I haven't much help getting to where I am. My birthdays have been fleeting, Christmas' weren't very joyful because I didn't have much a family around to celebrate. My upbringing has always been a sarcastic, nearly emotionless experience; and here I am performing actions to please others.
My upbringing has brought a lot of realizations. First and for most is that viewing the world as others would and treating them as they would like is all of a bunch of bullshit. You treat those you want to impress the way you would want them to treat you, for those you take for granted you'll pass their comments by and move on. Maybe, I'm too direct or too careless, or maybe I just can't move on from blatant disrespect. I know that I've tried to fit everyone's mold of friend, best friend, son, cousin, boyfriend, and I usually end up crawling and reaching out to other's satisfactions.
Do what's great for you, go out and there and conquer the world that your dream's present to you. Don't sit around and wait, because no one is going to wait for you. People will justify their actions and so will you, because no one wants to be wrong; no one wants to perceive themselves as anything less than perfection. When you can accept that you're wrong you become submissive, because even if you understand what needs to be corrected others won't. They'll continue to do what they've done until they want to change and you'll be left in the dust.
It was told to me several times: "Brandon this is not cold, it's just the way it is." We're all hypocrites, and my hypocrisy lies in this post. I have done none of the aforementioned and for this I am stuck, in this hole, this realm, where I lie and it may be too late. I still don't know if the path that I've chosen is the right one, and I may never know. I will have to march on with my regrets until I, myself am no longer under construction. Until then I'll have to push on.
This isn't where my realization spawns from but it is a definitive lyric of a lesson that I've learned in life. At times I find myself to be a lot harsh, and then I seek forgiveness and sanction for my actions. However, I think product of my environment is suiting here because I haven't much help getting to where I am. My birthdays have been fleeting, Christmas' weren't very joyful because I didn't have much a family around to celebrate. My upbringing has always been a sarcastic, nearly emotionless experience; and here I am performing actions to please others.
My upbringing has brought a lot of realizations. First and for most is that viewing the world as others would and treating them as they would like is all of a bunch of bullshit. You treat those you want to impress the way you would want them to treat you, for those you take for granted you'll pass their comments by and move on. Maybe, I'm too direct or too careless, or maybe I just can't move on from blatant disrespect. I know that I've tried to fit everyone's mold of friend, best friend, son, cousin, boyfriend, and I usually end up crawling and reaching out to other's satisfactions.
Do what's great for you, go out and there and conquer the world that your dream's present to you. Don't sit around and wait, because no one is going to wait for you. People will justify their actions and so will you, because no one wants to be wrong; no one wants to perceive themselves as anything less than perfection. When you can accept that you're wrong you become submissive, because even if you understand what needs to be corrected others won't. They'll continue to do what they've done until they want to change and you'll be left in the dust.
It was told to me several times: "Brandon this is not cold, it's just the way it is." We're all hypocrites, and my hypocrisy lies in this post. I have done none of the aforementioned and for this I am stuck, in this hole, this realm, where I lie and it may be too late. I still don't know if the path that I've chosen is the right one, and I may never know. I will have to march on with my regrets until I, myself am no longer under construction. Until then I'll have to push on.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
This must be hell on earth.
I'm keeping my composure because its all I have right now that restrains me from complete and utter lunacy. Hell doesn't need a fire if it consists of tedious tasks day in and day out, losing track of the days that have passed, and coming to the realization that the same tasks will present themselves in the morning. If this is what prison is like, I don't understand the repetition of crimes. It's dark, the lights set a melancholy mood, the solitude is not peaceful as much as it is a rendition of your reality to your thoughts and vice versa.
I've no news, events, or much to talk about. Nothing changes it's the same work everyday, 7 days a week, with breaks in-between. No new food, friends, adventures, interactions, rejoices; the worst of it is I lack the means to change this situation and it only keeps getting worse. My composure is my sanctity though, because once you've lost it you've accepted the virus of rage and self-defeat caused by self-reflection. The short term memory is only 7-14 blocks, the long-term is forever and to let the long-term trump the short term keeps my hopes high that one day the good times will roll once more.
Get through it is what they say, you can do it, you've got it in you, words of encouragement to push the actions of engagement; repetitive motion like a swing, you push I fly, you push I fly, etc. My life is hell but if I can walk through hell on earth I can appreciate the great times that are ahead of me. For now I'll wake up to this day in and day out, whilst I push through to Chapter 8.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)